The Day Your World Changed

What Do You Do When Everything You Believed Was True Suddenly Isn't?

Dear reader,

How was it for you—the day your world changed? Like me, did it catch you completely unaware, or were there signs leading up to that catastrophic day?

For 23 years, I had lived a pretty “normal” and happy life with my wonderful husband and our two beautiful children. The four of us worked side by side doing ministry for the Lord. There was a lot of hard work, and we had our share of ups and downs, but it was a good life—a happy life. It was the life I had prayed for and the life upon which I had built all my dreams and expectations. It was a life structured by the principles of God's Word as best as I understood them.

My husband was a kind, loving, hardworking person who loved the Lord with all his might. I often thought he must be a modern-day example of what King David was like long before he became king. We truly enjoyed each other's company, and we both worked hard to provide a warm, loving, stable home for our children. People looked at us and said we were “a match made in heaven.” I felt the same.

That is why, on that fateful day in October 1995, when this man I had given my entire life to told me he was gay—and always had been—I felt as though I had been shoved off a cliff. I was free-falling into a place I didn't even know existed before that day: the abyss called same-sex betrayal.

Oh, I knew there were people in society who identified as gay, and I had encountered one or two here and there, but that was truly about the extent of my knowledge of what being gay really meant. And now here was my loving husband of 23 years telling me he was gay.

As he tried to explain, he told me how much he still loved me and the kids. He said nothing would change his love for us. He would continue to provide for us, and we could even have family times together, but he could no longer “physically” be a husband to me.

I couldn't understand. How could he still love me and yet want to leave me to be with other men? He told me there was no way I could understand what he was feeling. He said he had always been attracted to men and simply knew there was someone out there who could fill this void in his life.

Well, he was right about one thing: I certainly could not understand.

Had the past 23 years all been a lie? How could he love me, have a physical relationship with me that resulted in two wonderful children, and still tell me he wanted sexual relationships with men? My mind simply could not wrap itself around what I was hearing.

I was in shock at this news, but my love for him refused to let go. I felt that if I could somehow understand what would drive a person to such a decision, maybe I could help him find his way back. We were devout Christians, and both of us believed that no one was born that way. Yet here we were, facing the unspoken reality of our own lives. My husband was leaving me to explore life with other men.

Suddenly, everything we said we believed seemed to hold no weight here. What did any of it mean? Where did we go from here?

I know your story is different from mine, but have you found yourself asking some of the same questions? Do you feel as though everything you have ever believed is suddenly on trial? Where do you turn for counsel, for advice, or even for a defender?

These are some of the hard questions we will explore as we come together each week on this blog. My prayer is that, as we share together, you will begin to find your own voice—a voice to name what you feel, your fears, your questions and your anguish. A voice that gives you the ability to recognize what you need and the courage to seek it out.

I pray that here you will find answers to many of your questions. But perhaps even more importantly, I pray you will come to realize something I desperately needed to know when my own world fell apart:

You are not alone.

There are many of us who have suffered “silently.” Through our pain, we have learned just how important it is to have support from others who understand.

So until next week, dear reader, don't forget that you are not alone and you are so very precious in God's sight. Your husband or wife may have left you, but He will never leave you. Never.

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.” — Joshua 1:5